Westside Cooperative Preschool Parenting Articles

One of the most frequently heard complaints among caregivers is that young children insist on playing super hero or fighting games. Around the age of four, a perfectly sweet and wonderful group of children can transform into a miniature commando unit, arms and legs flying as they challenge anyone and everyone wandering into their territory. It's as predictable as puberty, and often just as frustrating for adults.

Why do young children play aggressive games?

Anything that children do as often and as universally as power play must have some basis in children's typical development. If children between 4- and 6-years old consistently act out dramatic play scenarios that involve power, aggression, and good vs. evil, regardless of where they live, economic status, or family background, there must be something that they all have in common that is motivating this kind of play.

Many critics of modern media blame children's aggression on the high level of violence found on television and in films. There is no doubt that violence in the media is a valid concern that needs to be addressed. But power play among children is not a modern phenomenon. Long before Power Rangers® ever hit TV screens, children were playing good guys vs. bad guys.
Although the form that the characters take changes often, there are a few basic characteristics that are common in power play.

*there are always good guys and bad guys; good vs. evil; there is no gray area, you are all one or all the other
*there is always a conflict between the two; it is the responsibility of the good guys to fight the bad guys
*control or power is always the issue - who will "win" or be in control?

What are children learning?

If we believe that children are always learning something about themselves and their
world through their play, then what can we conclude about the concepts learned in power play?

Some clues can be found if we look at other characteristics of children between the ages of
four and six.

*Typically, children at the age of four begin testing their independence, as they did
when they were two.
*They are still quite "black and white" in their thinking and tend to categorize people in
simple, one-dimensional ways (for example, how can my teacher also be a mother?).
*They are becoming more aware of the effect of their own actions on others and the
need for social rules of behavior. However, it is still difficult for them to see things
from another person's perspective.
*They are beginning to form an understanding of morality, a universal code of "right"
and "wrong" that is beyond simply knowing which of their own actions will result in
punishment.
*Although they are given opportunities to make more decisions than they have at
earlier ages, they still have relatively little control over what happens to them in our
adult world.
*The line between real and pretend is still fuzzy, particularly when it comes to threats
to be feared.

Perhaps power play is a means for young children to grapple with these concepts. In a dramatic play situation, the children have made the rules and drawn the boundaries. Within this safe environment, they can take on adult or super-human roles and experience a feeling of control. They can feel the satisfaction of good winning over evil and of knowing that they had the ability to overcome the bad guys. The very real fear of evil is brought down to a controllable size. And in the end, the children have the ultimate power to stop the whole game, knowing it is only pretend, making the issues of good vs. evil and power much more manageable.

Where are the boundaries?

Of course, it is the responsibility of adults to provide an atmosphere in which children are physically and emotionally safe. Left unchecked, power play can become too aggressive, leading to physical harm and fear. How can caregivers allow children to work through important developmental issues and concepts while still maintaining a safe environment?

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Make it very clear to children that one rule is always in force: everyone must be safe. If play will hurt anyone physically or make them feel unsafe, it must stop or be changed. You may need to write down this rule and post it for easy reference. Some caregivers even have children sign their names at the bottom to show their agreement with the rule.

2. Another good rule is that no one's feelings should be hurt during play. If you find that the same child is always playing the bad guy (possibly because he/she doesn't have
the social skills to join play as a good guy), you can use this rule to reason with the children, saying that always being the bad guy will hurt his/her feelings. Then you can suggest that they think of a good guy character that he or she could be. You may want to go so far as to say that no children can be bad guys, but that bad guys will have to be imaginary.

3. As you see a power play scenario begin, have the children take a minute to explain to you the plot and the characters. As you remind them of the basic rules, encourage them to problem-solve ways to play their game within those rules. Be supportive as you help children try to think through the ways that their play affects others.

4. Observe power play closely- both the children involved and the children close by. Children at this age are still developing self-awareness and self-control. Physically, they may not realize that their action could truly hurt someone, especially when they are immersed in a pretend role. They also may not be able to control the intensity of the feelings brought out in power play. If you sense that a child is getting too intensely angry or upset in his or her role, step in and help the child calm down and regain control.

5. Join in the play periodically. Allow the children to assign you a role and find out the plot. This will allow you the opportunity to ask questions and find out what they are thinking as they act out the story. It will also give you the chance to suggest more constructive alternatives to violence as a solution or to stretch their thinking about why people might do bad things and whether or not they can change. Use a light touch, however; children have selective hearing and will quickly tune you out if they detect a "lecture voice!"

It is possible to allow children to act out power play scenes and to still maintain your sanity!
The keys are to:

*understand the developmental aspect of power play
*recognize what children are learning
*establish reasonable, understandable limits

Before you know it, you may find yourself involved, too. Who knows, you may find you rather like being SHE-RA, GODDESS OF THE UNIVERSE!

RESOLVING CONFLICTS
Try this at home: a simple three-step process that teachers use to overcome sharing spats.
By Diane Trister Dodge and Toni S. Bickart

One of the most common conflicts among preschool children concerns sharing. While the ability to share is important, it is not always possible for young children. Telling them they have to share is not sufficient. For younger preschoolers especially, teachers should provide duplicates of materials they know will be popular. Eventually, teachers and children together can establish systems for taking turns.

Even with this precaution, conflicts will emerge. It would be relatively quick and simple to solve them for children, but skilled teachers and parents use conflicts as opportunities to teach problem-solving skills. Because conflicts often generate strong feelings, it's best to begin by giving children strategies for calming down: counting to ten, taking deep breaths, going to a "calm down" place in the classroom to relax on some soft pillows. Here's how a teacher might lead children to a solution by going through a series of specific steps. You can follow the same steps at home.

Define the problem. Putting an arm around each child, a teacher bends down and says, "I see we have a problem here. Tell me about it." Each child gives his or her view of what happened. The teacher then restates what she hears to verify the facts with the children.

Generate solutions. The next step is to come up with some possible solutions. "Can you think of some ways you each could use the truck? I'll write down your ideas and then you can decide which one you want to try first."

Agree on a solution and try it out. The last step is to agree on which solution to try and let the children know they can come back and reevaluate if that solution doesn't work. "OK, so here's what you want to try. You're going to build a garage together, and then one of you will drive the truck; the other will be the repair person. Then you'll switch. I think that's a good solution. If it doesn't work, come back and we can try another idea."

In classrooms where these steps are taught, children eventually begin resolving conflicts without the teacher's help. Teaching children to resolve conflicts is not only important for their social development, but it promotes cognitive skills as well. Additionally, it leads to a peaceful classroom environment, which is conducive to emotional well-being and learning.

SUPERHERO PLAY IN THE EARLY CHILDHOOD CLASSROOM:
Issues In Banning Play From The Classroom
by Brenda J. Boyd Ph.D

A longer version of this paper was presented at the annual meeting of the National Association for the Education of Young Children in Washington, D.C. November, 1995.
Superhero play has received a great deal of attention from parents and educators in the recent past. Teachers of young children have become an increasingly vocal group, voicing concern about superhero play in their classrooms. Increasing reports of teachers banning superhero play are evident (Bergen, 1994; Carlsson-Paige & Levin, 1995). Teachers are experiencing real concern for the safety of children and themselves and many worry about the violence in the future lives of children engaged in superhero play.

As a former child care provider/early educator and current teacher of teachers of young children, I too have concerns about reported increases in aggressive behavior in preschool classrooms. However, banning superhero play may not be the best way to deal with children's increasing exposure to inappropriate, low-quality television. I suggest

1. that we do not have data on these "increases" in classroom superhero play,
2. that this behavior may play some developmental function in young children and
3. that by banning superhero play, teachers may be relieving themselves of a powerful opportunity to teach.

First, examine the source of the notion that aggressive, violent superhero play is on the rise in preschool classrooms. The published reports of this increase are based on anecdotal reports from teachers (Carlsson-Paige & Levin, 1991; Jennings & Gillis-Olin, 1980; Kostelnic, Whiren & Stein, 1986) and from limited surveys of non-random samples of teachers of young children (Carlsson-Paige & Levin, 1995). These non-random samples are often drawn from participants at conference workshops on superhero and war play in the classroom, who may already be sensitized to the issue of aggressive play. These reports suggest that children are spending more time in superhero play than in any other classroom behavior. My own research, in which observers collect time interval samples of young children's behavior, suggests otherwise. In one group of 3 to 5 year old children, I found that only 2 of 17 children exhibited superhero play during a one month period. The time spent in superhero play accounted for less than 1% of the 300 minutes of play. In a second sample, only 5% of play time was classified as superhero play and was exhibited by one quarter of the children. We never witnessed a child being physically hurt by another child while involved in superhero play.

Although these findings are clearly preliminary, they suggest teacher reports of the occurrence and nature of superhero play may not be the best source of information. Previous research about teacher's views of aggression support this hypothesis. Evidence shows that children and teachers have differing perspectives on "play fighting" and "aggression." Smith and Lewis (1985) showed tapes of play encounters to preschool children, their teacher and assistant teacher. The children were more likely to agree with each other or with an objective observer than with their teachers in assessing behavior as play or aggression, suggesting that teachers rely on some perspective not shared by children and other non-teaching adults. This perspective is reflected in the criteria teachers reportedly used for determining aggression in this study. In the case of the assistant teacher, who's assessment of play or aggression was least often in agreement with the children, a reliance on knowledge of personalities is reflected in comments like "Well, knowing those boys, I know they can't cooperate together. Chances are it wasn't playful, it was aggressive" (Smith & Lewis, 1985, p 180).

A second line of evidence to support the hypothesis that teachers are not an objective source of information about superhero play is available in studies that indicate teachers are more likely than non-teaching adults, including teachers in training, to see behavior as aggressive, rather than playful. Connor (1989) showed 14 video clips of child behavior to three preschool teachers who labeled all 14 clips as aggression. When the clips were shown to psychology students, however, only two incidents were rated as aggressive by the majority, two were rated as play by the majority and the rest were rated differentially, depending on the gender of the viewer. Males were more likely to view behaviors as playful while females more often labeled behavior as aggression. The implication of these findings for young children includes an increased likelihood of having their behavior labeled as aggression by their teachers.

The notion that superhero play may serve developmental purposes is the crux of my second concern about the banning of superhero play. The idea that play is important for the development of young children is a familiar one for early childhood educators. Pretend play is believed to be critical for healthy emotional development in young children. This belief has been used to explain the importance of involvement in superhero play (Carlsson-Paige & Levin, 1990; Curry, 1971; Ritchie, Johnson, & Zita, 1982; Slobin, 1976; Walder, 1976). While this notion is well established in the child development literature, no empirical research has directly examined the developmental relevance of superhero play.

However, other perspectives for investigating the function of superhero play are available. While superhero play has not been the focus of research on the functions of play for children, "rough and tumble play" or R&T (play fighting, wrestling and chasing behaviors of children from preschool through adolescence) has been the focus of studies examining the function of play for children (e.g. Costabile et al, 1991; Pellegrini, 1987). Moreover, R&T is very similar to superhero play. Both involve chasing, wrestling, kicking, mock battles and feigned attacks (Kostelnic et al., 1986). In addition, R&T is reported to frequently involve fantasy enactment or pretending (Smith & Connoly, 1987; Smith & Lewis, 1985). These similarities suggest that superhero play can be conceptualized as a special case of R&T play in which children are in the role of a superhero character.

The similarity in these types of play have led to examining the functions of R&T. This body of research suggests that R&T play may serve important developmental functions for young children, especially boys. Specifically, three functions: affiliation, dominance and social skill facilitation have been identified as potential functions served by R&T play (Smith & Boulton,1990).

Affiliation

R&T play may help children form or maintain friendships. The presence of laughing, smiling, and the absence of infliction of pain (Blurton Jones, 1972; Smith, 1982) underscores the positive social nature of R&T. It has been clearly shown that in children, R&T partners are consistently found to be friends (Humphreys & Smith, 1987; Smith & Lewis, 1985). While not direct evidence for causation of friendship by R&T play, these results suggest that R&T play helps children develop or maintain friendships (Smith & Boulton, 1990).

Dominance

Animal researchers use the concept of dominance to discuss a literal "pecking order" . That is, a hierarchical order of dominance and thus access to resources such as space, foods, and mates has been observed in fowl, as well as many other species (Wilson, 1975). Moreover, this hierarchy is thought to serve the function of reducing conflict, by making clear the power structure in a group (Hinde, 1974). Strayer and Strayer (1976) applied this concept to a group of children, found that a fairly stable hierarchy was observable and took the limited number of counterattacks as support for the conflict reduction hypothesis.
Smith and Boulton (1990) suggest that in R&T children are able to maintain or improve their ranking within the hierarchy. Picking worthy "opponents" who are equal in strength would allow a child to maintain her/his rank. A child could improve her/his rank in the safety of R&T by picking a slightly stronger play partner with little risk involved if she/he was not successful. Humphreys and Smith (1987) report data that supports the dominance maintenance hypothesis. When comparing class consensus rankings of the strength of 7-11 year olds, in most cases there was no consistent difference in the two participants of a R&T bout, suggesting that children do select partners near to them in the dominance hierarchy.

Social Skill Facilitation

R&T play may offer children an opportunity to develop social skills and consequently be more successful with peers. Evidence supporting this hypothesis has been found in both parent-child play and peer play. It has been reported that children whose parents (especially fathers) engage in physical play with them are more likely to be popular with their peers (MacDonald, 1987; Parke, MacDonald, Beitel & Bhavnagri, 1987). Power and Parke (1981) argue that physical play with parents helps children learn to regulate and interpret emotion by serving "as context for a wide range of communicative and affectively charged social interaction" (p. 160). Indeed in one study, physical play did correlate with girls' ability to "read" facial expression suggesting some relationship between physical play and skill at reading social cues (Parke et al., 1987).

In terms of peer-peer R&T, the results are more numerous and more mixed. Pellegrini (1988) found that children rejected by their peers were less successful than popular children at discriminating between serious fighting and R&T. Additionally, for popular children, R&T was followed by rule oriented games, while for rejected children, it led to aggression (Pellegrini, 1991). Several other researchers' findings indicate either no relation between R&T and popularity or a negative correlation (Dodge, 1983; Ladd, 1983; Rubin, Daniels-Bierness & Hayvren, 1982). Comparison of these results is problematic, however, as the congruity of definitions of R&T is unclear (Smith, 1989).

This brings us to my third and final concern about the banning of superhero play. My fear is that by simply banning superhero play from the classroom we are giving children the message that they must hide their interests from adults and that it is wrong to be interested in issues of power and control. Teachers may be losing an important opportunity for influencing children's ideas about violence, the use of power and managing individual needs in a social community. Diane Levin (1994) has published practical suggestions for helping children to learn about establishing "peaceful" classroom communities that attend to the safety needs of all children without simply banning superhero play. Gayle Gronlund (1992) offered interesting ideas for moving children beyond the scripted narratives they see on television, which she developed from working with her kindergarten class during the Ninja Turtle days. More recently Julie Greenberg (1995) discussed ways to "make friends with thePower Rangers".

Network television programming for young children has much room for improvement. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is just one example. I am not an advocate for such programming. However, as long as children have access to such programming. Early educators must be prepared to help children deal with what they see on television or learn about from their peers.

References
Bergen, D. (1994). Should teachers permit or discourage violent play themes?Childhood Education, 70(5), 300-301.
Blurton Jones, N. (1972). Categories of child interaction. In Blurton Jones (Ed.), Ethological studies of child behavior (pp. 97-129). London: Cambridge University Press.
Carlsson-Paige, N. & Levin, D.E. (1995). Can teachers resolve the war-play dilemma? Young Children, 50(5), 62-63.
Carlsson-Paige, N. & Levin, D. (1991). The subversion of healthy development and play: Teacher's reactions to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Day Care and Early Education, 19(2), 14-20.
Carlsson-Paige, N. & Levin, D. (1990). Who's calling the shots? How to respond effectively to children's fascination with war play and war toys. Philadelphia, PA: New Society Publishers.
Connor, K. (1989). Aggression: Is it in the eye of the beholder? Play and Culture, 2, 213-217.
Costabile, A., Smith, P.K., Matheson, L., Aston, J., Hunter, T., & Boulton, M. (1991). Cross-national comparison of how children distinguish serious and playful fighting. Developmental Psychology, 27, 881-887.
Curry, N.E. (1971). Five-year-old play. In N.E. Curry & S. Arnaud (Eds), Play: The child strives toward self-realization (pp. 10-11). Washington, D.C.: National Association for the Education of Young Children.
Dodge, K.A. (1983). Behavioral antecedents of peer social status. Child Development, 54, 1383-1399.
Greenberg, J. (1995). Making friends with the Power Rangers. Young Children, 50(5), 60-61.
Gronlund, G. (1992). Coping with Ninja Turtle play in my kindergarten classroom. Young Children, 48(1), 21-25.
Hinde, R.A. (1974). A biological basis of human social behavior. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Humphreys, A.P., & Smith, P.K. (1987). Rough and tumble, friendship, and dominance in school children: Evidence for continuity and change with age. Child Development, 58, 201-212.
Kostelnic, M., Whiren, A., & Stein, L. (1986). Living with He-Man: Managing superhero fantasy play. Young Children, 41(4).
Ladd, G. (1983). Social networks of popular, average, and rejected children in a school setting. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 29, 283-307.
Levin, D.E. (1992). Teaching young children in violent times: Building a peaceable classroom. Cambridge, MA: Educators for Social Responsibility.
MacDonald, K. (1987). Parent-child physical play with rejected, neglected and popular boys. Developmental Psychology, 23, 705-711.
Parke, R.D., MacDonald, K.B., Beitel, A., & Bhavnagri, N. (1987). The role of the family in the development of peer relationships. In R. Peters (Ed.), Social learning and systems approaches to marriage and the family (pp. 17-44). New York: Bruner/Mazel.
Pellegrini, A. D. (1991). A longitudinal study of popular and rejected children's rough-and-tumble play. Early Education and Development, 2(3), 205-213.
Pellegrini, A.D. (1988). Elementary-school children's rough-and-tumble play and social competence. Developmental Psychology, 24(6), 802-806.
Pellegrini, A.D. (1987). Rough-and-tumble play: Developmental and educational significance. Educational Psychologist, 22, 23-43.
Power, T.G., & Parke, R.D. (1981). Play as a context for early learning. In L.M. Laosa & I.E. Sigel (Eds.), Families as learning environments for children (pp. 147-178). New York: Plenum.
Ritchie, K.E., & Johnson, Z.M. (1982, November). Superman comes to preschool: Superhero TV play. Paper presented at the meeting of the National Association for the Education of Young Children, Washington, D.C.
Rubin, K.H., Daniels-Bierness, T., & Hayvren, M. (1982). Social and social-cognitive correlates of sociometric status in preschool and kindergarten children. Canadian Journal of Behavioral Science, 14, 338-347.
Slobin, D. (1976). The role of play in childhood. In C. Shaefer (Ed.), Therapeutic use of child's play (pp. 95-118). New York: Aronson.
Smith, P.K. (1989). The role of rough and tumble play in the development of social competence: Theoretical perspectives and empirical evidence. In B.H. Schneider, G. Attitli, J. Nadel, & R.P Weissberg (Eds.), Social competence in developmental perspective (pp. 239-255). London: Kluwer Academic Publishers.
Smith, P.K. (1982). Does play matter? Functional and evolutionary aspects of animal and human play. The Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 5, 139-183.
Smith, P.K. & Boulton, M. (1990). Rough-and-tumble play, aggression, and dominance: Perceptions and behavior in children's encounters. Human Development, 33,271-282.
Smith, P.K., & Connolly, K.J. (1987). The ecology of preschool behavior. Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.
Smith, P.K., & Lewis, K. (1985). Rough-and-tumble play, fighting and chasing in nursery school children. Ethology and Sociobiology, 6, 175-181.
Strayer, F.F., & Strayer, J. (1976). An ethological analysis of social agonism and dominance relations among preschool children. Child Development, 47, 980-989.
Walder, R. (1976). Psychoanalytic theory of play. In C. Shaefer (Ed.), Therapeutic use of child's play (pp.79-94). New York: Aronson.
Wilson, E.O. (1975). Sociobiology. The new synthesis. Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press of Harvard University Press.

Brenda J. Boyd is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Human Development at Washington State University, Pullman, WA 99164-6236. She teaches in the areas of child development, early education and parent-child relationships. Her current research interests include the play of young children and the professional development of child care providers.

TEACHING CHILDREN TO SHARE
Sue Grossman, Ph.D.

"Miss Harper! Miss Harper! Willard won't share the blocks! He has them all!" Emily cries.
Every early childhood teacher has heard similar complaints from young children. Many of us move in quickly to insist that the "greedy, selfish" child share some of the coveted item with the newcomer. Refusing to share is often treated as a crime in the eyes of adults. While our intention is good, we may be teaching children that others' rights are more important than their won and that problems should be resolved by adults rather than between the children themselves. We want children to be generous, kind, and cooperative, so we demand that they share.

Demanding that children share ignores their feelings and does not truly teach them to share. It more likely teaches children to feel angry and resentful toward adults and to believe that sharing is always accompanied by emotional pain. The irony of sharing is that when children know that they are not required to share, they are most likely to do so!

What is sharing?

Sharing is agreeably giving one's possessions to others. However, when a child is forced to give up his or her possession, it is not true sharing but rather surrender of property. When Miss Harper uses the office copy machine she is not required to interrupt her task and relinquish the copier to a coworker just because she has had it long enough. She may finish her task, even though the copier belongs to everyone in the building. Yet when Willard is using all of the blocks, engrossed in building a small city, some teachers believe it is their responsibility to make him relinquish what is at that time his property, because it belongs to everyone in the class.

Rather than label Willard as "selfish" or "greedy," the teacher should see his refusal as assertive self-protection. Forcing him to give us the blocks will only make him want to protect future possessions more energetically. Too often we take the side of the newcomer. Instead, we should give children choices. Miss Harper should give Willard the choice to share or not. There are many other activity options for Emily in a well-equipped early childhood classroom.

A Better Way to Respond

Miss Harper can encourage Emily to solve her own problem by responding, "Emily, you'd like some blocks. Ask Willard to please give you some as soon as he can." If Emily resists this suggestion, Miss Harper can go with her and give the message to Willard herself on Emily's behalf, thereby modeling one method of problem solving. Both children benefit from this approach. Willard learns that he has authority and control over the blocks, because he was playing with them first, and that his rights will be protected. He can be the one to decide when he is finished and ready to give up some blocks. When Emily must wait, she learns to deal with disappointment and frustration, two of life's realities.

Miss Harper might also say, "Emily, you want the blocks right now, but Willard is not ready to share them. I'll help you find something else to do while you wait." Such a statement makes Emily feel supported and understood by the teacher, not abandoned. When this strategy is used, children often do not have to wait long. Willard, given the power of authority, is eager to exercise his right to decide who gets some of the blocks and when. Soon Emily will hear him say, "Hey, Emily! You can have some blocks. I don't need them all."
Children Who Habitually Cannot Share

Occasionally there are children who head fort he same material every day and refuse ever to give it up. Several approaches may be appropriate in this situation.

Consider why the child must possess this item. Children who come from large families or impoverished homes may feel a strong need to claim something as their own. Perhaps it is an object or material the child never has a chance to use outside of the classroom. A duplicate or equally attractive item can be provided for other children to use. It is important not to label this child as a "problem," but to try to understand the behavior and the child's need to possess the object.

Establish a system for equitable use of an item. Use a clock or timer to show children they can use the favored item for five minutes. A child might be allowed to ride the popular tricycle four times around the concrete track and then give it to the next person. If a system such as this is in place from the beginning, no child feels singled out.

Sue Grossman, Ph.D. is an assistant professor of early childhood teacher education at Eastern Michigan University.

WHEN GOOD KIDS PLAY THE BAD GUY:
How power play helps kids feel in control of their world.
by Ellen Booth Church, with contributions from Judy David, Ed.D.

It can be unsettling to see your 4-year-old bite his cookie into the shape of a gun, point it into the air, and shout, "Pow! Pow!" But "good guy versus bad guy" play is a natural part of your child's social and moral growth. Indeed, it's common for dramatic play to center around themes of good and bad, friends and enemies, power and vulnerability, particularly as young children work to learn the difference between right and wrong, to understand rules, and to control their impulses. Power play helps them make sense of these confusing issues and gain a better understanding of themselves and their place in the world.

When your child acts out good and bad roles, he is actually trying on power from both perspectives: the frightening negative aspects of the bad guy and the heartening positive aspects of the good guy. He can actively gain control over the things that frighten him by experiencing both sides of the power play equation.

Power Play at Each Age

Parents will notice the most intense good-versus-evil play occurring between the ages of 4 and 5, but it can begin at age 3 (sometimes as early as 2) and usually tapers off around 6. Here's how play typically evolves:

Age 3: Three-year-olds center play around family, animals, and everyday life. For example, Jesse harshly scolded her teddy bear for spilling a cup of milk. Her parents never scolded her in that way, but she was using exaggeration - a technique often used by children - to extinguish a fear or gain control of a deep emotion. Also of note is that at 3, a child's grasp of reality and fantasy is still somewhat blurry, so some children might refuse to play a bad witch or monster because they believe they'll turn into one. Instead they will opt to be a good guy.

Age 4: At this age, children show a preference for real and storybook heroes. You might have noticed an increased interest in real-life heroes such as firefighters and police officers. Particularly since September 11, 2001, rescue workers have become the "superheroes" of choice for fours, fives, and sixes. Around the United States, we have seen how children's dramatic play became a therapeutic way to work out their fears - as well as their hopes. This type of play is a great opportunity to help your child see that power and heroism come from using one's mind.

Ages 5 and 6: Imaginary heroes (often superheroes seen on TV or in movies) appeal. You may notice that kids' roles are absolute: A child will choose to be either the good guy or the bad guy - there's no in-between. For example, during a play date, 5-year-old Billy suggests that he and Ian play Spiderman. "You be Spiderman," says Billy, "and I'll be the Green Goblin." After settling on the roles, the two boys excitedly burst into a pretend chase scene around the backyard. It is apparent by watching their body language who is the hero and who is the bad guy. Billy as Green Goblin is surreptitious, while Ian as Spiderman triumphantly strides across the yard. Not only do they know their roles, but they also grasp the underlying emotional state of each character!

The main evolution centers around a child's ability to separate what is real and pretend. Older children can quickly shift out of a pretend role to a real one because they know the difference - in fact, fives and sixes love to switch between the two.
Using Power Play to Address Fears

Although power play is natural, it is important to have frequent discussions with your child about the meaning of real and pretend and keep the lines of communication open so he'll know that when he is worried, he can come to you. Here are some ways to assure your child that his feelings of anger or fear are normal and manageable.

Set rules about superhero play. Young children are attracted by the loud drama of good versus bad, but parents need to find their own comfort levels with this sort of play: some ban yelling in the house, jumping off furniture, and battles with toy weapons. You may want to take a cue from policies your child's teacher sets at school.

Limit exposure to violent images. When your child does see a movie or TV show with aggressive action, talk about what is happening and even how it was created. Sometimes a visit to the movie's Web site will show that people made the animation for entertainment.

Stress peaceful problem-solving. Say, "In our house, we talk about our problems; we don't fight them out with guns." Ask a question: "If the good guys lost their weapons and couldn't fight, how could they still win?"

Provide alternative outlets for expression. Clay is excellent for pounding away anger. Or you can paint or put on music and dance it out! A run together around the block can also do the trick. You will be saying that it's okay to be angry, but it is not okay to hurt yourself or others.

Get involved in your child's playtime, if he is willing. This will give you firsthand experience of his viewpoint and an opportunity to discuss his hopes and concerns.

Encourage your child to verbalize his feelings. Take a quiet moment (not during play) to talk about what you observed in his play and invite him to share his feelings. You might say, "When I see you make an explosion with your toys, I wonder what you are feeling. It's okay to have angry or frustrated feelings, and it helps to talk about them."

Highlight what it means to be a friend. Talk about accepting differences in others. Ask: If your friend plays the bad guy, does that mean he is bad? Encourage ending the games as friends

BACK TO SCHOOL TIME-- Tips to Help Children Adjust

Back to school time often means changes for children and families: the first day of kindergarten or first grade; new preschools or child care settings; new classrooms and new teachers. Making smooth transitions between home, programs and schools can help children feel good about themselves and teach them to trust other adults and children. Helping children adapt to new situations can ease parents' minds and give them a chance to become involved in their children's education.
Transitions are exciting opportunities for children to learn and grow. Parents and early childhood professionals share a role in making children feel safe and secure as they move to new educational settings. Of course, such milestones in children's lives can cause anxiety, too. Strengthening the ties between programs and families will help create smooth transitions for adults and children both.
How parents can help:
1. Be enthusiastic about the upcoming change. If you are excited and confident, your child will be, too.
2. Prepare yourself. Take note of how your child reacts to separation. If possible, visit the new setting with your child. Introduce your child to the new teacher or early childhood professional in advance.
3. Arrange a playdate with another child from the program, preferably one-on-one, so that your child will see a familiar face when she walks in.
4. Start daily routines that will add to continuity. Let your child become involved with packing lunch or laying out clothes. Also, begin an earlier bedtime several weeks before.
5. Put aside extra time, particularly on the first day, for chatting and commuting together. But remember not to prolong the good-bye. If the child whines or clings, staying will only make it harder.
6. Always say good-bye to your child. Be firm, but friendly about separating. Never ridicule a child for crying. Instead, make supportive statements like, "it's hard to say good-bye."
7. At the end of the work day, put aside your concerns and focus on being a parent.

How teachers or early childhood professionals can help:
1. Make sure activities are developmentally appropriate for children. Interesting and challenging, but doable, activities will help children feel comfortable in their new setting.
2. Make an effort to get to know each individual child as quickly as possible. Parents can provide information about children's likes, dislikes, and special interests.
3. Welcome suggestions from families, particularly those of children with special needs. Parents can offer specific suggestions they have found useful for their own child, and advise on classroom set-up and modifications.
4. Hold an orientation for children and parents. Small groups will make it easier for children to get to know each other.
5. Show children around the new school or program, introducing them to other adults who are there to help them become acclimated.
6. Create partnerships between pre-schools and elementary schools in the community. Meetings may focus on the sharing of ideas and concerns.
7. Set up an area for photos of parents and family members that children may "visit" throughout the day. Also include items that reflect the cultural experience of all children to help promote a sense of mutual respect and understanding. Children, just like adults, need time to adjust to new people and situations. Experience can make transition a bit easier, but even with experience, change can still be stressful. Patience and understanding on the part of parents and teachers or caregivers will help children learn how to approach new situations with confidence -- a skill that will help them make successful transitions all through life.

For a free copy of NAEYC'S brochure, So Many Good-Byes, send a SASE to:

NAEYC 1509 16th St., NW
Washington, DC 20036-1426
Specify box #573. © National Association for the Education of Young Children-Promoting excellence in early childhood education

STARTING THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR RIGHT– Tips for Parents
Susan A. Miller, Ed.D.

Thinking back to your own first day of school conjures up various memories -riding on the big yellow bus, wearing new shoes, or passing out cookies for Miss Hall who always smelled like roses. Soon, you and your child will be facing a new school year together. Whether your child is moving up from the toddler room, embarking on his first preschool experience, beginning kindergarten, or returning to his child care center after a summer vacation, starting a new school year will most likely be met with great anticipation. This experience can be very stressful, as well as exciting for you both. In this article, Earlychildhood NEWS explores some of the factors and situations that may help you and your child make this important transition go more smoothly.
Look at Personal Factors
All children have their own unique personalities. How easily they settle into a new school program this fall depends upon many distinctly individual traits. For instance, some children may be 'slow to warm up' to an unfamiliar setting while others are considered to be very 'easy to please'. Children's abilities to make transitions can be influenced by their particular learning styles. Some children seem to relate better in the morning than in the afternoon. Others might prefer more freedom over a structured environment. For many children, age is a factor. For example, your three-year-old might cling to you and find separation difficult for the first week, whereas your independent four-year-old might give you a 'high five' and wave good-bye at his classroom door! Prior experience is another element that frequently affects the children's adjustment. If children have been in a particular learning environment or a group setting for several years, they are more aware of what to expect concerning school routines, sharing the teacher's attention, and understanding that you'll return at the end of the day to pick them up.
Even though your child may seem well-adjusted, very independent, and eager for her new school experience, don't be surprised if suddenly she seems to revert to a favorite old comforting device like sucking her thumb or clinging to your leg when she meets her new teacher. She may be momentarily overwhelmed. Be prepared to give her some extra time and reassurance to feel comfortable with her surroundings.
Participate in an Orientation
Some school programs offer an orientation session for you and your child. This provides a wonderful opportunity for you both to meet the teacher and explore the environment together. Orientations vary from program to program and may be quite informal or highly structured. Over the summer you will no doubt receive a letter from your child's teacher or the school's administrator explaining the date and time for your session and what to expect.

Some programs, especially preschools, arrange for small groups of children to come for an abbreviated day to gradually introduce a few children to each other and to assist them to become familiar with the teacher and the room. You might be encouraged to stay a while and then leave for a short time to help your child become accustomed to the separation process. Often, at this time, an administrator will provide a brief information session for parents.

If your child is starting kindergarten, you will most likely drop her off with the rest of her classmates on that first day or send her off on the school bus. You might be invited to assist her in setting up her cubby before saying good-bye. Possibly, the school will have an evening orientation for you or you may receive information during kindergarten registration.

Because it's important for you to feel positive about your relationship with your child's teacher and new learning environment make sure you ask questions at this time to clarify any concerns that you may have. And of course, let the teacher know if you are willing to be involved in your child's program as a volunteer.

If the school does not have an orientation, it's crucial for you and your child to take an informal 'walk through' together. Ask when it's convenient to visit the classroom so your child develops a visual, physical, and emotional feel ahead of time for his new surroundings. You will probably spot a particular activity or space that will become a familiar special reference point for him during the first few weeks. If possible, try to meet the teacher, or another friendly staff member, even if it's just to say 'hello'. This helps you and your child to make a special personal connection with his new setting. And if an indoor tour isn't possible, so the first day isn't a total surprise, try peeking through the window to discover some interesting features of the room or comfort spots to talk about.
Travel to School
Just leaving the security of her home can be traumatic for your child or, it can be very stimulating! Discussions and simulations are both splendid ways to handle your child's very real questions, for example, "How will the carpool mom find me?"

If your child is going to be a 'walker,' practice the route together and talk about familiar landmarks along the way. Time the trip so it will be unhurried and relaxing. Talk about safety issues and important people enroute. You might say, "Wait for the crossing guard," or "Hold Daddy's or your big brother's hand when you cross the street."
If your child is traveling by car, van, or bus, act out some safety rules, such as "Wait for the bus to flash its lights and stop." Arrange two chairs with a center aisle for a bus or place them behind each other like a car. Role-play buckling seat restraints and listening for the driver's directions. Actually drive the route to school. Afterwards, you may want to draw a map together to refer to next time as you anticipate how close you are getting to school.
What to Bring to School
Check on school policies before you go on a shopping spree. Programs vary in their suggestions for you to provide general items, like backpacks, and teachers might have some specific rules about whether or not your child may bring along certain personal things, such as his favorite toy boat.

Making choices about selecting school supplies, for instance, "Should we get the 'Pooh' or 'Barney' pencil box?", helps to personalize the 'going to school' process for you and your child. It can also be comforting for her to have some familiar items with her during the first day. Some things that you may wish to consider for this important beginning are: backpack; lunch box or insulated bag with a non-breakable thermos; bedding for naps (preschool); crayons, pencils, or paper (kindergarten); smock; and a labeled change of clothes with a waterproof bag. Many of these items you can store away together in your child's own personal space known as a cubby.
Routines Are Important
Routines help to make events familiar for your child and enable you both to slip smoothly into the natural flow and pattern of the day. For instance, it is soothing for him to know that snack comes after free play, as well as comforting for you to know that at 10 A.M. he's enjoying the carrot sticks you lovingly prepared for him.
Good-byes
Start the new school year off right by establishing special good-bye rituals to ease the transition between home and school. If your child rides a bus or goes in a carpool, you might give each other a hug, then blow three kisses at the door. Or, if you drop your child off at school, you might ease out gradually by putting a puzzle together each morning, then matching thumbs-up signs at the window. Give yourself a little extra time to make sure you can participate in these important little rituals. And never 'sneak out' on your child.

Be sure to talk briefly with the teacher so you can share pertinent information before you leave in the morning and then again at the end of the day. Enlist her assistance in providing a cuddly spot or comforting activity with a friend if separation seems difficult for your child.
Toileting
So he won't feel embarrassed, practice washing hands, flushing, and tearing off toilet paper at home. Make sure your child knows where the toilet is at school. Help clarify policies and questions for him. For example, does he need to raise his hand to go to the bathroom? Must the bathroom door stay open? In case of an accident, show him where his change of clothes is kept.
Eating
At some centers, children and teachers eat together and serve their food family style. Provide opportunities at home for your child to practice independently pouring milk, serving with a big spoon and cleaning up the table. Discuss what happens if he doesn't like the food.

If he's eating in a cafeteria, practice carrying a tray and paying for the meal. If you pack his lunch, you might like to write some surprise picture notes to tuck in his lunch box to let him know you are thinking of him in his new school!
Resting
If it's sometimes difficult for your child to fall asleep, provide some self-comfort items - a soft fuzzy blanket, a loveable old teddy bear, Mommy's scarf or picture. Share napping hints with the teacher - head rubs relax her and bare feet seem to soothe her.

If she can't sleep, talk with her about the rules so she doesn't cry or become overly frustrated. See if the school has a quiet area or little 'treasure' box for her to play with on her mat.
Encourage Conversations
Lay the foundation for open communication early in your child's school career. To help build trust and self-confidence, encourage your child to discuss his feelings. For example, he may be concerned where mommy and daddy will be while he's at school. You might explain how this is his very special place to do things that he likes, such as block building and playing with friends. Describe how daddy also has a special place to go to work with his computers. Reassure your child that at the end of the day you will pick him up and you'll all be together again to do the things he likes at home. Reinforce that his teacher cares for him, too, and will help him at school. Validate his feelings. Let him know it's okay to feel sad, homesick, or happy. And assist him to be a part of the decision-making process as he begins school. Involve him in discussing what he'd like to bring for lunch on the first day - an apple or a banana? Have him tell you if he wants to wear the dinosaur shirt or the rainbow one. Meaningful times like these help to relieve anxieties and ensure that this new school experience will get off to a good start.
Susan A. Miller, Ed.D., is Professor of Early Childhood Education at Kutztown University in Pennsylvania.

Give Yourself a New Start, Too!
When your child goes off to school, you may be a little lonely or anxious, too. Here are some ideas to help you touch base at home or at work:
-Frame a family photo to look at whenever you miss your child.
-Tape up one of his art masterpieces to brighten your day.
-Type and enlarge one of his favorite cute sayings to create a cheerful banner.
-Play a tape with him singing his favorite songs.
Enjoy your new-found extra time independent of your young child. Pamper yourself:
-Read a chapter book
-Take a long soaking bath or shower
-Have a relaxing massage
-Call a friend - uninterrupted
-Shop without a cart
-Take a rambling walk
-Refinish some furniture
-Tune up your car
-Cook a complicated recipe
-Write an inspirational poem
-Have a romantic lunch with your spouse
-Go for a haircut and make over
-Exercise to your favorite music

No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted or distributed in any form for compensation of any kind, without prior written permission of the author.

Tips for Easy Back-to-School Transitions

The summer is just about over. No more going to bed late, sleeping in every morning, or playing outside until dark. Now the routine has to change. Beginning kindergarten, going back to primary school, or to a child care program usually means two things to a young child: 1) a stricter time schedule; and 2) adapting to a different caregiver, classroom, teacher, school, friends, or academic challenges. These new experiences can bring on stress or cause children to resist necessary adjustments. Even as adults, we sometimes feel uncomfortable or anxious when facing a new situation. Think how overwhelming it must be for young children who have far less experience in dealing with the unknown! Smooth transitions can be accomplished if the adults who care for children try to view the situation from the child's perspective. Here are some tips on what you can do to make going back to school a pleasurable experience.
Prepare in advance
Young children always feel more comfortable if they know what to expect. Before the new school year begins, family members can explain to children how their daily routines will change. Precisely describe what the morning routines will be in age-appropriate terms. Some children may enjoy creating a pictorial chart to include each step of the morning schedule.
Try getting up earlier a couple of days before the new school year begins and explain why you're doing it. This may prevent your child from being confused, groggy, cranky, or refusing to get out of bed on the first day of the new program.
Discuss how the school or child care environment will be different from the previous year. Many schools and child care professionals invite families to visit the classroom and new teacher before the school year begins. If possible, take advantage of these opportunities to allow the child to meet the teacher or caregiver, find his classroom, the bathroom, and the playground. These one-hour visits can be valuable to children because they'll be exposed to their new surroundings and still find comfort in going home with a familiar adult or loved one. Make the visit extra special by going out for ice cream or to the park afterwards.
Reading books with children is a great way to introduce any experience. They can see how other children beginning school or a new program have the same feelings of uncertainty and how they overcome them.
Involve children in preparing for school. For example, they can lay out their clothes, pack a back pack, or select a favorite toy or photo to take with them to the program.
Talk about feelings
Encourage children to describe how they feel about the "new year" and try to ease any fears they may have.
Parents may also feel sad or fearful about their children going off to kindergarten or being transferred to a learning environment for older children. If your emotions are too obvious, you may spoil your child's enthusiasm for the first day. Exude confidence and good feelings when saying good-bye.
Avoid yelling if your child resists getting up from bed, brushing his teeth, or getting dressed, and expect an occasional meltdown. Beginning something new can be stressful and adjustment takes a lot of concentration and effort. Child care professionals, teachers, and families should expect--and be prepared to handle--a few tears and other emotional displays from young children.
Be there
If possible, arrive at the new school or program early on the first few days to help the child settle in. The teacher or caregiver may also be available to talk one-on-one with your child before the day's learning begins.
It is also important to arrange for predictable pick-up schedules. Children need to feel confident from the beginning that they can count on a loved one to come back and to come when they said they would. Use the commute to ease the transition between school and home.
How adults handle transitional situations can set the stage for how well a child adjusts to other challenges in life. Those who love and care for children can help them adapt by making preparations in advance, clearly explaining the changes about to take place, and listening if doubts or fears develop.
Additional Resources
McCracken, J.B. 1990/1997. So Many Goodbyes, NAEYC. #573/Single copies are $0.50 each; 100 copies are $10.
Balaban, N. 1985. Starting school: From separation to independence (A guide for early childhood teachers). New York: Teachers College Press.

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